Not only does Minnesota state representative Mary Franson want you to know that the United States Department of Agriculture runs America's national park system, and you should so not feed wild animal or poor people, she's wants Education Minnesota to realize, via a reply to Activist Next Door Sheila Kihne, that she's pissed:
Absolutely infuriates me - celebration of a Pagan holiday, worship of Nature and not God's Nature
What's the rumpus, you might ask? The randy celebration of Lupercalia over chaste Valentine's Day diamonds from Jared? An early meth run to Sturgis, prompted by the preternaturally early Spring?
Proposals to relocate Minnesota's Walleye opener to a non-Mother's Day weekend?
Sadly no. What's got the distaff Theophilus of Alexandria going is the civic celebration of Earth Day--and the sharing of lesson plans for environmental education at a site maintained by the American Federation of Teachers.
Being of a certain age, Bluestem's editor had no idea that, back in 1970, when Mr. Nelson, her eigth grade science teacher, asked her and her classmates to go out to the bus parking area with seedlings, collect exhaust from his car's tail pipe in plastic baggies, then place the bags of fumes over the plants for a range of times, and record the results of exposure to bad air, that she was been initiated into an ancient form of Pagan sacrifice.
The outrage of that mother of all earth-hugging, disguised as a science experiment, completely slipped by everyone in St. Peter, Minnesota. Honestly, we youth thought we had to wait a grade for Mr. Harvey's beloved English class, where we'd spend a month or so on Classic Mythology. (Being the only one able to string "Odysseus' Bow" is no doubt another sign of the heathenish corruption of science).
How this worship was done in the days before Henry Ford must surely be a mystery that rivals the Ἐλευσίνια Μυστήρια of the Greeks.
Such indoctrination was no doubt responsible for the obsession that remains in the editor's compulsion to run wild in the woody bluffs of the Minnesota River Valley in the quest for morels and an overfondness for Rogation Days in the Episcopal Church.
Hat-tip to Dale Moerke for catching the tweet.