As we join our latest episode of Emo Senator, Southern Minnesota's most watched telenovela, we find that our hero, Mike Parry, has been left along the wall of the Republican primary ball as the editors of the Minneapolis Star Tribune asked Allen Quist for the pleasure of the dance.
Will voters agree and cancel Emo Senator with their votes on Tuesday, August 14?
Oh, they had their reasons for selecting the winsome Nicollet County farmer, and state them in First District (GOP) Primary: Allen Quist:
Understandably, GOP partisans are looking for a candidate whom they believe can defeat Walz. This newspaper's criterion for a primary endorsement was slightly different. We looked for the candidate more likely to give Walz the kind of competition that can make a good representative better.
Why, fiddle-dee-dee! Is this the best way to select a dance partner, while crushing the heart of the Belle of Waseca County? And there's more! They write:
Parry is not well-known among primary voters. He might have used his comparatively small war chest to tout his own assets. Instead, he's been bashing Quist's record. Among the things he dredged up is Quist's support in the 1980s for gas tax and cigarette tax increases, both of which occurred in the context of an overall state tax reduction.
We think those features of Quist's record do him credit.. . .
Who are these cads? And they escort Allen out to the dance floor because he can carry on an intelligent conversation:
If he wins on Aug. 14, he promises a robust debate with Walz over how best to reduce the nation's fast-growing debt. First District Republicans should give him the green light to proceed.
What can we say, dear Emo Senator fans? That with enough courage, you can do without a reputation? Bluestem can't think about that endorsement right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow.
Tune in for the next thrilling episode!
Photoshopped image: Mike Parry, the Emo Senator