Bluestem Prairie

Is Representative Pat Garofalo's twitter account Minnesota's best source for political parody?

Minnesota State Representative Pat Garofalo (R-Farmington) is having one heck of a spring break while the legislature is adjourned for the Passover-Easter Week holiday.

Fresh off this morning's triumph on twitter, documented on Bluestem in Garofalo not having good day on the twitter; or, Associate Justice Wright as the invisible woman, Garofalo tweeted a Daily Currant parody article, Michele Bachmann Accidentally Booked on Gay Cruise which toys with  reports about speculation about Marcus Bachmann's sexual identity (most notably in a 2011 New Yorker article and in the July 2011 glitter bombing of his counseling service office).

From the Currant:

The six day jaunt on the all-gay Atlantis Cruise Lines was mistakenly booked after Marcus Bachmann visited a Minneapolis travel agent who assumed he was gay.

Although the couple has reportedly requested to leave the ship, it won't reach its next port in The Bahamas for another three days. The pair are currently holed up in their suite waiting to disembark and return to Miami by air.

Phillip Jennings, a partner at North Star Travel agency in Minnesota, is deeply apologetic over the incident and explains how the mishap occurred.

"Mr. Bachmann came into our office three weeks ago," Jennings says. "He said he wanted to book a cruise for himself and his partner 'Michele'.

"From his demeanor, I assumed that Mr. Bachmann was gay and that 'Michel' was a man who pronounced his name in the French way. So I booked them on one of our finest all-gay cruises in the Caribbean.

"In retrospect it was unprofessional of me to assume his sexual orientation. I am very sorry for the inconvenience this misunderstanding has caused and we have offered to fully refund the cost of the Bachmanns' trip."

Marcus the Bear

The unexpected detour for the Bachmanns during Congress' recess is especially ironic given their stated opposition to the "homosexual lifestyle."

Michele has vociferously opposed same-sex marriage from her perch in the U.S. House of Representatives, and Marcus operates a counseling center which advocates "pray the gay away" reparative therapy.

The duo's anti-gay positions don't seem to be causing any animosity aboard the Rainbow Warrior, however. A source on board the vessel says Marcus has attracted the attention of the passengers and was even voted "cutest bear" on the ship's traditional Bear vs. Twink night.

After reading that--or just seeing the headline--the Farmington lawmaker asked:

Marcus/Michelle Bachmann stuck on a gay cruise ship for 3 days.Is this a true story?dailycurrant.com/2013/03/25/mic…

— Rep. Pat Garofalo (@PatGarofalo) March 26, 2013

This straight-faced tweet received the obvious retort:

@patgarofalo Do you also believe Onion stories are true?

— Aaron Becket Solem (@abecketsolem) March 26, 2013

The lawmaker shot back:

Apparently I need to use the #sarcasm hashtag when I tweet something sarcastic.Friends - I obviously know Bachmann is not on a gay cruise.

— Rep. Pat Garofalo (@PatGarofalo) March 26, 2013

And so they were off:

@patgarofalo You are just having one heck of a day with Twitter aren't ya Rep? #DamnTechnology

— Kevin Zabel (@kevinjzabel) March 26, 2013

@patgarofalo well you've been so good with facts today...

— Mitch Billings (@minnesotamitch) March 26, 2013

@patgarofalo Are you sure?

— Duane Engelhardt (@dmengel51) March 26, 2013

Fortunately for Garofalo, after bombing on twitter, he's in no danger of a bombing by glitter, as the General of the Glitterati has moved on to Occupying Homes and demanding legislation to protect homeowners' rights.

We must ask: with Garofalo on twitter, do we even need those old school, pre-Occupy Homes political pranks for entertainment? Or the Onion and the Daily Currant?

Photo: Michele and Marcus Bachmann campaign in Iowa.

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The Daily ranks Allen Quist as #11 in Worst Candidate of 2012 list of crappy contenders

Given the richness new material the Quist for Congress campaign provides, Bluestem thinks the litany of old Quist material recited by The Daily's Worst Candidates of 2012 list is sort of like the joke your dull  uncle tells every Thanksgiving about the time the sparkling wine gives out.

By now, every Southern Minnesotan has this catalgoue of Quistiana committed to memory.

Surely, the material from this year's campaign about how food assistance is a significant factor in America's divorce rates--or Quist's promise to loan his campaign up to $1 million or  (coordination anyone?) looking at NRCC television ads and turning them down--could be added to the mix. Or the bit about 24-year National Guard soldier Tim Walz being a bigger threat to America than terrorism.

Ah well, at least the dinosaur schtick is from this century.

Quist has slipped from his pre-primary ranking by Buzzfeed as #5 in Rosie Gray's The 8 Craziest Candidates Of 2012.

In The Worst Candidates of 2012: America’s 20 crappiest contenders for public office, The Daily's  Adam Laukhuf writes:

11. Allen Quist
U.S. House, 1st District, Minnesota
Dubbed the “deranged mentor” of Michelle Bachmann, former Minnesota state representative and perennial gubernatorial candidate Quist is the GOP nominee for Minnesota’s 1st Congressional District. At one point, Quist’s views were considered too extreme for a mainstream candidacy, but he’s most likely banking on voters in Minnesota having short memories. Quist’s history of questionable pronouncements includes a whopper in a K-12 “curriculum module” to “correct current textbooks.” Dinosaurs and humans co-existed, Quist asserts, because there’s no other reasonable explanation for an obscure stone carving on the wall of a Cambodian temple besides the artist having actually seen a stegosaurus. Quist provides similarly compelling scientific evidence for the existence of dragons and posits that the Book of Job should be taught as science because “we know beyond a reasonable doubt [that] Job 41 is a picture-perfect description of a SuperCroc.” Quist was also famously obsessed with homosexuals — or rather, so staunchly opposed to homosexuality that he went undercover at a porn shop and a gay bathhouse to demonstrate to a local newspaper reporter that the institutions were a “haven for anal intercourse.” And naturally, Quist believes that abortion should be classified as first-degree homicide.

There's still a week to go, so Bluestem hasn't given up on some vintage Quist escaping into the discourse.

Related posts: Are Allen & Julie Quist growing mushrooms in their rural Norseland farmhouse basement?

Allen in Wonderland: congressional race in MNCD1 grows curiouser and curiouser

Buzzfeed places Mike Parry (#4) and Allen Quist (#5) on list of "8 Craziest Candidates Of 2012"

"Chinese Wall" separating editorial copy and advertising thriving at the Post Bulletin

Bluestem gets a lot of fun email from vendors pitching products, but today's email brings what may well be the funniest email we've ever gotten from a "Senior Digital Media Consultant Marketing & Advertising Professional | Digital/Online | Mobile | SEO" type. 

Out of kindness, we're redacting the name, but sharing the request:

Sally,

My name is [redacted] and I am with the Post-Bulletin newspaper in Rochester, MN. I work with our online/digital products. We have 330,000 unique visitors per month, accessing over 2.8 million pages on our site. The great part is that we reach over 130,000 people at the Mayo Clinic. This is a great market to reach- the majority are young, affluent, and educated. We have some really inexpensive ways to reach the public through our online paper.  I am not sure if you are the right person, but I was wondering if you would be so kind as to point me in the direction of the person who handles the advertising for Allen Quist?

Thank you,

Well, no, Bluestem Prairie is a left-leaning website run by a poor country blogger.  We're not the Quist campaign.

However absurd this request is, it does build confidence that the "Chinese Wall" that's supposed to separate editorial and news copy from advertising and marketing is fully intact at the Post Bulletin. Jay Furst and Heather Carlson would certainly never ask us this question. Indeed, Carlson would know enough to call the campaign directly if she were doing a story about advertising.

Any questions for the campaigns, elected officials, and other entities we write about should be directed to those campaigns. This ain't no receptionist's desk.

Photo: The Great Wall of China.

Buzzfeed places Mike Parry (#4) and Allen Quist (#5) on list of "8 Craziest Candidates Of 2012"

Bluestem has noticed that suddenly everyone's an expert on Southern Minnesota Republican politics this week, even those folks who wouldn't know Hanska from a handsaw.

Nonetheless, it's not a surprise to see Mike Parry and Allen Quist comprise a fourth of Buzzfeed's list of The 8 Craziest Candidates Of 2012.

Nor are we surprised to see Mike Parry topping Allen Quist. Parry's wit and intelligence have allowed Allen Quist to look good again, as far as the choices on Tuesday's ballot for the CD1 Republican nomination goes.

Here's the write-up:

4. Mike Parry

Parry, a Republican state senator and congressional candidate in Minnesota's 1st district, recently accused Governor Mark Dayton of doing drugs at a breakfast meeting. Parry told supporters at a campaign event that he'd seen Dayton "pop 15 to 16 pills" at a meeting, an accusation the governor denied. Parry conceded that the number of pills may not have been as high as 15 or 16, but "it was more than just a few."

In 2010, Parry got in trouble for tweeting “what’s with Dems and Pedophiles?" and “read the exclusive on Mr O in Newsweek. He is a Power Hungry Arrogant Black Man.” Parry later apologized for the tweets.

Of course, Parry unapologized for them later in 2011, but owned the old apology again this year so he could rip Allen Quist's 20 year old remarks. That's the focus of

5. Allen Quist

Quist, a Republican, was a state representative in Minnesota and ran for governor twice. He is a close ally of Michele Bachmann, and is now running for Congress as Mike Parry's opponent for the Republican nomination for the 1st district seat.

Quist believes that dinosaurs may have coexisted with humans, and that there is scientific evidence for the existence of dragons. According to Mother Jones, when his wife died while pregnant in a car crash in 1986, he had the six-month-old fetus displayed with her in an open casket. In 1993, he reportedly went undercover at an adult bookstore to investigate it, something the Parry campaign called on him to "come clean" about.

In 1994, Quist compared Minnesota's Mankato State University's new counseling center for gay students to a center for the Ku Klux Klan and said it would encourage the spread of aids.

Despite what Ben Golnik tells folks, Quist's second bid for governor got no farther than the Republican state convention, so he technically didn't lose an election then. 

For all the latest Parry and Quist news--and Greater Minnesota, which has politics like no other place in the country--please "Like" our page on Facebook.

Images: Bluestem has used our own pictures for the crazypants candidates. Parry photo by Eric V. Adams for Bluestem. Allen Quist by Ken Avidor.

If Congressman Tim Walz can't draw a giraffe, how can he govern?

Bluestem Prairie takes it all back: Congressman Tim Walz must be swept from office, not only for not being able to draw a giraffe, but for actively conspiring with an extremist wing burrowed deep within Minnesota's Democratic Farmer Labor Party, the  GDBPWSNBDG. that actively promotes bad drawings of giraffes.

Today, April 1, 2011, we learned about Walz's putting faction above country via Facebook, where Southern Minnesota Democratic insiders underestimated the power of social media to bring the truth to light.

The offensive giraffe drawing (no doubt a Kenyan giraffe) was posted on a cult-like blog kept by the associate Chippewa County DFL chair and dirty hippie Joshua Preston. Preston actively solicited a badly-drawn giraffe from Walz at a clandestine party meeting back in February.

Walz eagerly embraced the idea of drawing a bad giraffe when approached by Preston:

Pulling him close, I watched his arms fold up to listen to the hardball question he was likely expecting me to throw his way, but instead I made the typical pitch:

“Hello Tim, I know you’re really busy, but there’s something I would like to ask you. I’m working on a website called (blah blah blah) and while I think you are an amazing gentleman, you seem like someone who should not be drawing giraffes. Could you do me the honor of drawing a giraffe?”

The congressman then burst into laughter, saying he would give it a try and that the idea was overall “pretty damn funny.” While I expected him to simply scribble a drawing out so he could move onto other business, he seemed legitimately interested in contributing it, being invested enough to say “I have no idea what the hell that is” when he made the awkward neck-bubble (goitre?) on the giraffe.

Congressman Walz: this is no laughing matter.

Patriotic American animal art involves American Bald Eagles, and I bet they're crying now! In a pinch, bison will do. But bad giraffes?  What would Glenn Gruenhagen say?

I'll say it now: that giraffe is so effing badly drawn, I'm not posting it here. You'll have to go over to GDBPWSNBDG for that.

Bluestem Prairie DEMANDS that Congressman Darrell Issa (R-CA), chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, conduct a hearing to investigate this breach of aesthetic security. [Update: while he's got the committee members together, can he check out how come Walz and Congresswoman Michele Bachmann share the same birthday on April 6?  Very suspicious.]

Fortunately, Preston and his cadre at GDBPWSNBDG haven't corrupted all of Minnesota's Democratic leadership. Bluestem stands tall with Senator Al Franken, who can draw a map of the United States of America blindfolded that you can use to navigate the Interstate Highway system.

I've suspected that Walz might not be a legitimate American leader since April 1, 2009, when it was disclosed on Bluestem that IP candidate Greg Mikkelson had actually won the seat in 2008 with 70 percent of the vote. Despite BSP's flawless documentation, the revelations in First district election drama steps from shadows of Senate recount battle were ignored by the rocking chair media.

Image: It's enough to make eagles cry, if they had human tear ducts.THIS © COPYRIGHTED ORIGINAL IMAGE WAS CREATED BY D.E. WALDRON AND GUY PARNEIX.

Is there a Waseca connection for the MNGOP's made-up, Enron-style accounting?

Over at the We Party's blog, E.M. Ployd (or a ghostwriter) posted a interesting tidbit in Minnesota GOP Using “Enron-Style Accounting” to Draft Budget Based on Secret Data Source:

In a second post, MNPublius notes the source of the budget numbers. Rather, the lack of source:

In a letter to Speaker Kurt Zellers, Rep. Ryan Winkler (DFL-Golden Valley) decried the practice:

During your March 25th press briefing you made a surprising revelation about the fiscal projections House and Senate leaders are using to create the ominbus budget bills. Specifically, you acknowledged that fiscal chairs are “depending on figures from private business and from other states” to create the budget rather than using the non-partisan fiscal notes from Minnesota Management and Budget (MMB)

Okay, Mr. Ployd swiped that from the homies at MNPublius, but the We Party post and headline got me wondering where those made-up, Enron-style numbers came from.

Not just House but Senate leaders are given credit for being real Republican men of genius on that. But where did those numbers come from?

Suddenly, I remembered something. The Republican Majority caucus comm director makes no secret about the esteem with which he holds Waseca's Senator Mike Parry. And that might be the Enron connection.

In December 2006, the Mankato Free Press reported in Waseca set to welcome infamous inmate; Convicted Enron exec causing buzz in community:

A new resident scheduled to arrive in Waseca Tuesday has brought national attention to the town, prompting more than a few citizens to mess with the city’s slogan.

The phrase “For an hour . . . for a lifetime” has been tweaked to add, in one variation or another, “. . . maybe 24 years of confinement.” The new twists are making light of the federal prison sentence Jeff Skilling, former Enron chief executive officer, has been ordered to serve at the Federal Correctional Institution, Waseca.

Skilling was one of the masterminds behind a complicated scam that manipulated the energy company’s financial statements, which eventually led to Enron’s collapse in 2002. . . 

Could Skilling's mad financial skillz have entered the collective consciousness of Waseca? Such a theory might also explain why Parry told public employees at a recent town hall meeting that his bill to cut the state's contribution to their pensions would result in . . .wait for it...bigger pensions!

Related post: Mike Parry tells public employees they'll get bigger pensions, suggests new tax on services

Photo: Former ENRON CEO  and one-time Waseca resident, Jeff Skilling. Image from the (I kid you not) Business Insider Law Review.

 

BREAKING NEWS: New Ulm Irish community lacks permit to bury toxic German cuisine

We were warned.

At the urging of Range DFLers hungry for jobs, and Republicans eager to widen the gulf between the rich and poor, earlier this month Governor Dayton signed into law a measure to make the permit process in Minnesota move at "the speed of commerce."

The pristine Minnesota River Valley will be the first of the state's wilderness areas to suffer the consequences of the rush to nonjudgement. Indeed, the Brown County metropolis's Irish community has moved at the speed of a quick slip jig to test the new limits of the law.

The New Ulm Journal reports in St. Patrick’s Day to have heart healthy theme:

The annual Sauerkraut Burying Contest will begin at 3:15 and will continue until all of the kraut in town is gone, so resident are asked to search their cupboards and bring what they can to Irish Park.

"This event was so popular last year that we will also be burying Lutefisk," said Kearney. "We are hoping no one lets the MPCA know about this because we could get in trouble for polluting the soil and groundwater."

However, the Irish believe the improvement in air quality will more than make up for the soil and water pollution.

Given the predictions of widespread, record flooding for the New Ulm area, and the city's dearth of resources for flood mitigation, the improper disposal of sauerkraut and lutefisk could trigger widespread degradation of the Minnesota and Mississippi Rivers if that stuff oozes into the river.

Bluestem Prairie's sources in the area recommend a full investigation by citizen journalists.

"I don't know what those folks are thinking," local wind energy expert Millie Seppmann said.

Local Tea Party activists are outraged by another item in the New Ulm Journal's reporting:

City Attorney Hugh Nierengarten called in and said he had heard the state was going to put a tax on brains to help settle its budget problems. Nierengarten asked if he could qualify for a refund.

A rally to protest the proposed tax on brains is in the works. No word if Representative Glenn Gruenhagen plans to seek a temporary restraining order to halt the "Kiss Me, I'm Irish" kissing contest:

Other causes for concern include potential violations of the state's brewing laws:

The St. Patrick's Monument steering committee has been working with the Schell's Brewery to develop a green beer called Blarney Beer. The committee hoped to have it in the liquor stores by the first of this year to raise money for the St. Patrick Monument, but Schell's has been so busy due to the popularity of its Grain Belt and Nordeast beer that it hasn't had time to make Blarney Beer. The committee was told that if it bought Schell's beer this year it would definitely turn green within eight or nine months and be ready for sale in 2012.

Read the rest of the atrocities in the New Ulm Journnal.

Brown County train-manure truck mishap proves irresistable to muck-raking rural blogger

Those who live in rural Minnesota have to know their shit, and those of us with trained noses can distinguish the bloom of cow from hog from chicken from turkey, just as a hunter-trapper knows skunk from fox.

It's a skill that certainly helps a little blogger on the prairie who know elephant dung when she smells it.

Thus, it saddens me that local reporting on Monday didn't get more specific about a truck-train accident near Sleepy Eye.

How could I not click on this headline from KEYC-TV: Train Vs. Manure Truck Accident Near Sleepy Eye:

Brown County authorities say the accident is just west of Sleepy Eye, along Highway 14.

It happened just after 10:00 this morning.

The Brown County Sheriff's Office tells us that a truck hauling manure was hit as it crossed the train track. . . .

Fortunately, the man hauling the manure was able to jump out of his vehicle and avoid serious injury, the Mankato Free Press reported in Man leaps to safety before vehicle hits train:

A truck driver was able to jump to safety Monday morning as his semi slid through a railroad crossing and was struck by a Canadian Pacific train.

 . . .Packed snow made the road slippery, so the truck slid into the path of the train when Gitter hit the brakes.

Gitter was able to jump from the cab of the truck before it was hit. He was taken by ambulance to the hospital in Sleepy Eye, where he was treated for injuries and released. . . .

The train was dead-heading empty tanker cars, so nothing was spilled from the train. Still unknown: the aroma.

And that's this week's Brown County news bite. It's not just tasty beer and flood waters down there, folks.

Surely, readers can't expect nothing but reports here about Tony Sutton's latest effluvia?

Best CD6 headline ever: "Bachmann headed to Jupiter for tea party meeting"

Journalism fans live for headlines like this one:

Bachmann headed to Jupiter for tea party meeting

now up at the Minnesota Independent.  Andy Birkey includes deets from the St. Petersburg Times:

According to the St. Petersburg Times, “She is expected to discuss spending and constitutional issues at Abacoa Golf Club in Jupiter from 10 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. RSVP to madason31@aol.com to reserve a seat.”

A friend on Facebook added this my the post of my link: "Maybe she'll stay there." Another chimed in that he was all in favor of added fudning for congressional space flights.

 

Beating a bear-baiting drum: bipartisanship Stephen Colbert would love

Reading over today's Journal of the House, I spotted this bill (emphasis added):

Dill and Hackbarth introduced:

H. F. No. 620, A bill for an act relating to game and fish; allowing use of a drum while baiting bear; proposing coding for new law in Minnesota Statutes, chapter 97B.

The bill was read for the first time and referred to the Committee on Environment, Energy and Natural Resources Policy and Finance.

While using drums while baiting bears won't create jobs or demonize vulnerable people, Stephen Colbert should be happy.

Note: This bear baiting is using bait in steel drums to attract bears, rather than the cruel practice of "bear baiting" with dogs.

Did Chip Cravaack ghostwrite for the Onion in 2002?

My earnest friend Jacob Grippen, who keeps a diary at the Minnesota Progressive Project, posted an oldie but a goodie from the Onion on my Facebook page when he read that Representative Cravaack's favorite president is Calvin Coolidge. In the brief, History Teacher Has Unusual Favorite President, we read:

GROVEDALE, MN—Paul Loftus, an 11th-grade history teacher at Grovedale High School, proudly touts his unconventional choice for favorite U.S. president, Calvin Coolidge. "People fail to appreciate how Coolidge essentially rebuilt the presidency after the Harding scandals," said Loftus, who enjoys announcing and discussing his surprise pick whenever possible. "He was also a great diplomat who did much to foster world peace, all despite the tragic death of his son in his first term." Loftus went on to counter the widely held misconception that Coolidge, sometimes known as "Silent Cal," was a serious, humorless man.

Did Cravaack ghost write for the Onion in 2002? What else is he hiding from his past?

Related post: The Coolidge effect: New congressman Chip Cravaack is hot for Silent Cal

 

Eat It; or, swallowing Minnesota's partisan nostalgia

Today's Politics in Minnesota "Best of the Blogs" list provoked bucksnorts at this headline from a conservative St. Cloud blogger: Why Is the DFL Hearkening Back to the 80′s?

The opening was even better

During his SOS speech, Gov. Dayton hearkened back to the Perpich administration’s golden years. I didn’t think of it at the time but this op-ed by Sen. Amy Koch and Sen. Geoff Michel triggered an original argument. Here’s what they said that triggered my question:

Raising taxes is bad business, especially when our competitor states are doing just the opposite. Our neighbors in Wisconsin are lowering taxes and aggressively competing at our border.

Because every state wants to be just like Wisconsin right now. CBS Minnesota (formerly WCCO) was even moved to ask Could Minnesota See Similar Union Fights As Wisconsin? and allow Steve Drazkowski to pit workers against workers, without fact-checking his stereotyped opinions about public workers.

But I digress. As good for laughs as the Draz is, Gross's condemnation of the state's DFLers for looking back to the 1980s for political models wins the Last Blogger Standing comedy contest. Let Freedom Ring and its fellow MOB members are only now finishing their post-coital smokes from their public Ronald Reagan 100th Birthday Orgy. Gross even used Reagan's speeches as bath water.

That baring of souls before the idol of the Great Communicator was as stylized as anything ever ripped from the creative genius of a Pasolini.

And yet-and yet--as so many have pointed out, the Reagan at whose feet Minnesota's conservatives worship is not the actual man of the 1980s, however often the MNGOP and its minions hearkened back to the 1980s this month.

And those contemporary legislative figureheads Gross quotes? Hamline political scientist David Schultz's takes a good look at Detached Reality and Altered States: The GOP Response to the Dayton Budget at Schultz's Take:

Job killing and detached from reality. This is the core argument of the GOP against the Dayton budget. Yet behind the name calling one looks in desperation for the Republican alternative and it has yet to emerge. Just last week Dayton vetoed the $1 billion in cuts the GOP had already suggested. Yet that $1 billion was more than $5 billion short of what is needed, and they GOP has yet to propose how they plan to find the additional money.

The truth is they do not have a solution. Yes they will rant and rave about tax hurting the state economy (little evidence that is true), that there is waste and fraud (little evidence that is true), and that the budget is a job killer (even less evidence that is true). However, they do not have a solution and are afraid to offer one. Why? Two reasons.

Go to Schultz's Take to learn what those two reasons are.

But enough seriousness. Yesterday, Glenn Gruenhagen sent out an email to constituents in which he wrote that reality completes escapes the governor. Considering the source, that one would make a cat giggle.

Title reference: the 1980s were a special time. Nothing illustrates the decade's exceptionalism better than this classic music video.

A Republican Lupercalia; or, Whipping up a frenzy for Tom Emmer online

It's mid-February in Minnesota, we're in the middle of a tardy thaw, barred owls are whooping it up in the woodlots, and Tom Emmer has a new job.

The Minneapolis Star Tribune reports in Emmer to lobby for effort he opposed:

Two years ago, then-state Rep. Tom Emmer made a fervent appeal on the House floor to lift a moratorium on new cancer radiation clinics not attached to hospitals.

In a spirited debate, the Republican from Delano called the ban "patently unfair" and "micromanaging in its worst form." He pleaded with legislators to let "market forces return."

Earlier this month, the unsuccessful gubernatorial candidate registered as a lobbyist. His only client: Minneapolis Radiation Oncology Physicians, the outfit that wants to extend the moratorium. . . .

. . .He said that if the state were to rip open the marketplace now, "it could be very dangerous. ... I don't want to destroy what we have."

Oh dear. What would Joseph Schumpeter say?

Speaking of Schumpeter, it's the final day of the traditional festival of Lupercalia, and Emmer's return to the headlines has notable Minnesota conservatives out conducting a contemporary hybrid of purification ritual and creative destruction.

Take John Gilmore, @Shabbosgoy on twitter and a blogger at Minnesota Conservatives. He's launched a hashtag game, #WhyEmmerShouldBeOnTheRNC. In addition of measuring how much the lobbying market will bear, the unsuccessful gubernatorial candidate seeks to become an Republican National Committeeman.

Good times, as an anti-purity guy whips the Republican purity folks. Perhaps more entertaining, though, was an earlier exchange between Gilmore and Bridget Sutton, Baja Sol burrito cryptkeeper and spouse of Republican Party chair and frequent Bluestem guest star Tony Sutton. Sutton twot that "'Purity' and 'politics' should never appear in the same sentence." (Screenshot)

The wellspring for all of the mirth: the legacy of Suttonian purity campaigns in the MNGOP. Take, for instance, last fall's purge of 18 prominent Republicans--including a basketful of former governors--who endorsed former Republican Tom Horner's bid for governor. Or the multiple times during the campaign when Republicans praised Emmer as a principled conservative.

And to think that that "true" conservative nature was the factor that led the Republican state convention to endorse Emmer over former minority leader Marty Seifert, who was seen as too compromised by legislative dealmaking.

Of course, the irony of Republican self-flagellation may be overshadowed by today's new behemoth of GOP hypocrisy risen from the melting drifts. In a glinting example of glass casas, Bridget's husband, failed businessman, deposed Taco King and inept former MNGOP treasurer Tony Sutton lectures Governor Dayton on budgets.

And in the latter man, Minnesota may find its last, best hope of recovering our state's old stoic virtues from the current decadence sweeping the Republican Party and the state legislature in which it conducts its axe-swinging orgies. The state's Republicans act recklessly, to protect those who need no protection, sacrificing the vulnerable and the middle class, as if in a fight to keep Caligula supplied with virgins and wine.

Not so with Dayton. He writes dispassionately today about governing, in the Star Tribune. To see what real leadership looks like, instead of an imperial Ronald Reagan LARP, go read Gov. Mark Dayton: Not a battle, not a game, but a budget.

Have your fill of sex offenders?; or, a modest proposal to the Minnesota House Committee on Public Safety

Out here on the wind-swept drifts of McLeod County, decorum appears to have restrained local news coverage of the case of Lester Prairie molester, Jason Leo Blashack; so much, in truth, that there has been none at all that Bluestem has been able to excavate from the archives of any local paper.

Thus, I learned tha the news that Jason Blashack stripped of law license after molesting 15-year-old from the website of the metropolitan weekly, the City Pages.

Perhaps the salacious details of the case restrained our chaste local editors. CP Staff writer Nick Pinto reports:

Blashack pleaded guilty last June to criminal sexual conduct. The charges stemmed from a February 2010 incident in which Blashack fondled the breast of a 15-year-old girl while the two were watching television, according to the complaint. The victim told investigators that "she froze, was scared, and didn't know what to do."

The girl told her mother immediately, but the mother opted not to report the incident to authorities. It wasn't until two months later that a mandated reporter contacted McLeod County Social Services about the incident.

The molester served 30 days in the hoosegow for the felony, and has had his legal license suspended for at least two years.

Perhaps McLeod County's editors had another reason to hold back on coverage: Blashack's own personal safety. After all, Lester Prairie isn't far from Glencoe, home base of the legislature's own crusader against deviants, Representative Glenn Gruenhagen. Indeed, a mere hop on Highway 212, then a jump on McLeod County 9 will get you to sunny Lester Prairie from Glencoe.

Earlier this week, Gruenhagen prescribed castration for sex offenders, as Bluestem noted in The cruelest cut of all: Glenn Gruenhagen recommends barnyard remedy for sex offenders. My colleagues at the City Pages take a more graphic reading of the freshman legislator's remarks in Rep. Glenn Gruenhagen excited about farmyard castration for sex offenders.

Thus, McLeod County media may only seek to protect Blashack from Gruenhagen's rapier, er, wit. From the City Pages:

With the costs of Minnesota's sex-offender treatment program spiking, one legislator wants to consider a solution grounded in our state's fine agricultural history: castration.

Rep. Glenn Gruenhagen introduced his preference for farmyard justice when staff from the Minnesota Sex Offender Program were at the Capitol Tuesday to introduce their program to the new members of the House Public Safety Committee.[link added by BSP]

The Pinto passage calls attention to the spiking costs for warehousing sex offenders; when that cost and Gruenhagen's castration solution are factored together, a novel and modest proposal for the growing problem of what to do with sex offenders becomes obvious.

Gruenhagen observed in committee: "It sure worked well on the farm, I'll tell you that."

Castrating a bull calf or shoat not only makes steers and barrows less rammy, but also makes their flesh less gamey. Given that the cost of feeding Minnesota's prison population is also an undue burden on the taxpayer (former state representative and Minority Leader Marty Seifert famously was moved to recommend taking away inmates' dessert and to offer only two meals a day on weekends), the answer is obvious.

Let's fix the offenders, fatten them up, butcher them, and feed them to the rest of the incarcerated community. Not only will the eunuchs, deprived of the joy of life, be jonesing for an swift end to their torment, but they will go to the knacker secure in the knowledge that they are finally paying back the community they harmed.

As a CBS News report noted in 2003:

"We have to make sure the rapists and murderers sacrifice like everyone else," said Minnesota state Rep. Marty Seifert, author of the state's "brunch" bill.

Admittedly, a full-grown man, not snipped before the age of 20, is said by the effete gourmands of Cambridge and Boston to be rather strong tasting like bull elk or bison, and so culinary skills of the prison food service will be tested to its fullest at first. However, the economies of the system will soon be clear to both law and order, so the police and courts will have incentive to pluck tender offenders before their beards fully set.

As I have no sons of my own to drop in the maw of the prison system-nor do I cavort with coercive gentlemen--I offer this proposal entirely as a disinterested citizen. Surely, the gentle people serving on the House public safety committee will recognise in this proposal that thoughtful problem-solving spirit which guided Glenn Gruenhagen's words earlier this week.

Reference: A Modest Proposal for Preventing the Children of Poor People in Ireland From Being a Burden to Their Parents or Country, and for Making Them Beneficial to the Public.

Image: Castration, image via the CP.

English-only mania afflicts Driftless Region headline writer

One of the enduring parade chants from the Walz campaign features energetic volunteers spelling out Tim Walz's name in response to a shouted question, "Who's gonna fight for me?"

In this morning's Winona Daily News, either the headline writer hadn't heard that, fell victim of aggressive spell-checking software, became hooked on phonics, or perhaps was recruited by the local Minutemen as a stealth supporter of Representative Steve Drazkowski's English-only bill.

The screenshot to the right preserves the moment.

Headline now corrected, the WDN editorial itself is quite kind to Congressman Walz. In Our view: Walz struck the right tone, Darrell Ehrlick writes on behalf of the editors:

It's not that big of deal for residents of Minnesota's 1st Congressional District to see their congressman out and about. Rep. Tim Walz is a familiar face - and the entire region is better for it.

Most of the time Walz is not the guy in the tie. He looks like most of us; he's a former high school teacher and football coach; he truly is one of us, who happens to be a member of Congress.

So, when Walz announced a week ago that he was going to make a few public appearances, no one really thought much about it.

But in a subtle, yet not provocative way, he made a big statement. . . .

The statement was that the shooting of his friend and colleague in Arizona--and the murders that accompanied it--won't make him less accessible to the public.

Read whole thing at the WDN.

Screenshot: Pay no attention to that large sign behind the congressman--in English, we waltz.

Gimme your news: a modest proposal from Will Ladislaw, Midwestern social media expert

A guest post from Will Ladislaw, a midwestern social media tyro.

Dear Readers/Viewers/Listeners formerly Known as the Audience,

I, William Ladislaw, of no particular parish, but firmly committed to local news and information, have decided to start my own online news website. No, no, don’t thank me for filling a local news void in this great state – I’ll be bringing in plenty of dough with all of the corporate contacts I’ve amassed with my years working in commercial television and newspapers.

Which brings me to why we need another online news site. We’ve seen a lot of them, I know. But can you really trust those bloggers?

OK, they break news – but this is where my site will be different – I’ll be aggregating and curating all that content, using my vast years of experience as a former news anchor, newspaper publisher and feature writer on state government, the media influentials, and of course, arts and culture to pick out what’s TRULY valuable to you, the readers/viewers/listeners formerly Known as the Audience.

Because I know what you don’t know and should know.  

So what do you need to know? For one: what are wealthy, white people doing? Remember when Don Shelby had a stroke? He used that to shine a light on one of the top three killers of wealthy, white Americans. Most people are wealthy, white Americans anyway – I am, and all of my friends are, and we know in journalism that the best stories are the one’s closest to us, because we can speak with authenticity.

You also need to know the insider baseball of how the media and the press works. Let’s face out: we’re all tired of thinking about the rest of the world – Pakistan, Iraq, that crazy Australian guy who’s on the run for rape in Sweden (allegedly – for the rape that is, not being on the run, I got that from a blogger who I can’t remember and who needs to cite them anyway?)

We need to focus on our local media and give credit to those institutions who break news FIRST. Because it’s not news unless a legacy media and accredited news outlet publishes it. Call me old-fashioned, but someone has to stick up for our venerable journalism traditions. We can’t ignore all that wisdom and expertise.

Sure, the New York Times figured out the Somali terrorism stuff first, but how could we expect to know Somalis who live here? It’s not like there are a lot of them, and I personally hardly ever see them, although the lady who comes in to clean the office every night seems very nice. I wish I could remember her name.

Not that I don’t think covering immigrant communities is important. In fact, one of the services our website will provide is an aggregation of ethnic media. As long as we don’t have to pay for the reporting (imagine how expensive that would be!) the least we can do is bring the voices of our recently arrived neighbors to the web.

Because we all know how immigrant groups struggle with technology – the digital divide is such an important issue and part of our website’s mission is to create a space where we can provide a window. It’s the most we can do.

Before I sign off – the name of our-soon-to-be-launched website (which will be staffed with recently laid off, bought out reporters and desperate journalism grads who care more about their bylines and entry into our club than they do our reporting) is Gimme Your News.

Virtually Yours,

Will Ladislaw

Editor's note: News tips, pro bono freelance stories, and other messaging can be sent to Will Ladislaw at willlad.ladislaw@gmail.com.

After endlessly repeating NRCC mantra, Demmer admits he hasn't read health care bill

Randy Demmer can be counted on to stay on message, repeating National Republican Congressional Committee talking points until the cows come home (that is, if they had cows in DC). He's been meditating to the mantra: "Walz doesn't read bills."

Demmer should adopt a new chant after today's forum in Rochester: O Wah Ta Goo Siam, after admitting he actually hasn't read the health care bill himself. Once more, just like in Mankato, a debate audience found itself laughing at Demmer:

In response, the Walz campaign issued the following press release:

Rep. Demmer Admits He Did Not Read Health Care Law He Wants to Repeal

Rochester, MN – Today, in the hometown of Mayo Clinic, the state’s largest private employer and the engine of our region’s economy, Representative Randy Demmer admitted he never read the health care law that he has made central to his campaign for Congress. 

“Rep. Demmer is calling for the repeal of the health care law that he admitted today he has not even bothered to take the time to read,” said Sara Severs, Communications Director for Tim Walz for Congress. “That’s not leadership.  If you run for Congress and you want to help solve problems in our country, you have to do the work.  You have to study the issues and know the details.  Rep. Demmer has lost all credibility on the central issue of his campaign. You can’t take him seriously.”

During today’s debate in Rochester, Tim Walz asked Rep. Randy Demmer point-blank if he read the recently enacted health care law.    

Rep. Demmer responded: “No. I didn’t.”

“The choice for voters in this election is clear,” said Sara Severs.  “We’re confident that on Election Day voters will choose Tim Walz -- an authentic leader who studies the issues and has the courage to make the tough decisions.  Rep. Demmer has demonstrated once again that he puts the National Republican Party platform over southern Minnesota’s interests.  He’s just another typical politician.” 

Nothing like a "Young Gun" shooting blanks. I believe the Walz campaign made a tactical error in agreeing to only three debates with Demmer. A few more of these and the Mankato Democrat would waltz away with 70% of the vote on election day.

Remix brilliance: Donald Duck Meets Glenn Beck in "Right Wing Radio Duck"

Not the typical fare at Bluestem Prairie, but this remix combines sharp media commentary with fidelity to the Disney form:

 

Of course, I'd rather see a prequel in which Donald and other window washers organize and bargain for a solid contract, but that--as they say--is a different story.

Byberg's back to the future; or, our leaders are ignoring Constitutional debates from 1775

  I have to give endorsed Republican congressional candidate and Norwegian-American "anchor baby" Lee Byberg credit for zeal for the United States Constitution, if not for accuracy about its creation.

The McLeod County Chronicle reports in Lee Byberg wants to bring U.S. back to the Constitution:

Lee Byberg had an appropriate audience when he spoke to Tom Schoper's American History class at GSL High School Friday.

Byberg, the Republican-endorsed candidate for U.S. Representative from Minnesota's 7th District, wants the country to get back to the roots established when its Founding Fathers adopted the U.S. Constitution.

"I want to bring government back to the Constitution," Byberg told the students. "Our leaders have ignored the Constitution."

Byberg said the framers of the Constitution, in 1775, debated a new form of government, a change from the autocracies of Europe, which were based on the idea that the common man was incapable of making decisions regarding government.

The question the Constitution framers debated, Byberg said, was "can man govern himself - are we capable of self-government?"

As someone who spent near five years of her mid-to-late twenties working in The Library Company of Philadelphia and who has held the sacred documents of the revolution (or at least the homework assignments for it) in her hot little hands, I find this passage to be most fascinating.

The Library Company was used as a reference library by the First and Second Continental Congresses, as well as the Constitutional Convention, since the library was at that time located near the  Carpenters and Independence Halls. The First Continental Congress met in 1774 to debate a response to the Coercive or Intolerable Acts. The Second Continental Congress began meeting in 1775 but didn't write the Constitution, though the Declaration of the Causes and Necessity of Taking Up Arms,  Declaration of Independence and Articles of Confederation came out of this body.

The United States Constitutional Convention convened in 1787 to write and adopt the Constition, which was quickly ratified by the states; the Bill of Rights was added in 1791. Typically, distinctions are made when discussing the Signers of the Declaration and the Framers of the Constitution.

On the other hand, Byberg is quite correct in a very strict sense. Our nation's leaders do ignore the Constitution that was debated in 1775. Yes, indeedie. Why, that rascally Ben Franklin at The Library Company of Philadelphia didn't even record that sacred document as ever having been on file.

Americans United for Change: Young Guns

One of the humorous notions behind listing Randy Demmer, now in his mid-fifties, as a "Young Gun" is the absurdity of the notion that he would offer fresh ideas after years of backbench service in the Minnesota House or prowess with a firearm, for that matter.

Americans United for Change picked up on this absurdity on the part of the House Republicans in DC in a video for your enjoyment  (hat tip to MnPublius comments).