One of the guilty pleasures for readers of Greater Minnesota newspapers is the Letters section of the Owatonna People's Press.
The Editors are deeply committed to free speech and print a good share of epistles from local social conservatives that rival the Onion and the Daily Show.
The latest two help answer life's persistent questions, like how folks like Bachmann and Gruenhagen get elected. In If not... why not?, Bev Nesbit writes:
There was a Methodist national gathering report in the Feb. 5th Pastor Perspective of the Owatonna People’s Press. I have some relevant questions to ask about it.
The speaker “enthusiastically declared, ‘sex is great.’” . . . And did he also warn people that sex — outside of marriage — especially “committed” and “appropriate relationships,” is blatant sin (I Cor. 6:9-10)? For it’s like being bitten by all the sex demons and the deadly snake, Satan, with no known “antidotes” available — except repentance and abstinence until marriage. If not, why not?
Who knew sex demons were lurking in the wilds of Steele County? Especially among those in committed and appropriate relationships? Here's hoping some home-schoolers whip up a live-action role-playing game to match her story-telling.
Or perhaps Nesbit offers a way for conservatives to help fight obesity without surrendering to the fangs of the nanny state or trial lawyers when she cautions against "sin" foods:
The pastor stated, “Eating good food as part of well-balanced meal is great.” But did the speaker explain that “sin” food — those heavily-laden with sugar, salt and fat — should not be eaten daily (Genesis 1:29,31)? Did he also share a “Solid Rock — can do” slogan that, over time, would correct any extra-weight problem?
Since Dean Udahl's Cheesburger Bill is moving again--and Minnesota law already supports the notion of individual responsibility-- it's unlikely that Minnesotans will be able to demonize fast food in the court system.
But those who were creeped out but BK's "Breakfast with the King" ads may now know that the product he was hawking is an instrument of the devil, and that those fries the clown at McDonalds is peddling won't just get you a trip to the ER, but one to hell as well.
In Another explanation for earthquakes, Brock Lee, a graduate of the Michele Bachmann School of Geography, note the conventional wisdom for the cause of earthquakes"
The general explanation is that continental plates move against each other and catch, and this catch is suddenly released as an earthquake.
This is disputed, however, since earthquakes happen in the rock-solid Midwest:
But what about earthquakes that are far away from fault lines? About two years ago there was an earthquake in the Midwest, nicely centered in the middle of the North American plate and nowhere near any fault lines. Yet rather than explain how such a thing could happen in spite of their theory, the scientists simply ignore the contradictions, and the public doesn’t know enough to ask.
Maybe that's because the public knows about the New Madrid Fault--and fracking in Arkansas.
Lee suggests another cause:
The flood, which drastically rearranged the world, accounts for these. The destruction of the global flood rearranged many parts of the earth and caused imbalances. As these imbalances return to equilibrium, energy is released and catastrophes occur.
Earthquakes remind of God’s last global judgment. These catastrophes are only minor aftershocks of the cataclysmic global flood.
So Glenn Beck was wrong: the massive earthquake wasn't God and Gaia mixing it up to punish non-believers, but just things settling down after the real big one.
I'm not saying that these people are loons, I'm just saying rational people might look at them and shake their heads.
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