We were just putting the finishing touches on In 2020, Dusty Johnson received $500 from GOP donor & alleged sex trafficker Anton Lazzaro, when our inbox cheeped the arrival of an email with the subject head, " 'Wait Wait Don't Tell Me' goes for ignorant disrespect of South Dakota."
Our correspondent wrote: "I don't know if you caught this—or whether you *want* to—but as a student of South Dakota, I thought you at least should have the opportunity."
Indeed, We believe it's the perfect foil for the latest post by Cory Allen Heidelberger at Dakota Free Press, Trust Task Force Prof Writing Hard to Defuse Pandora Papers, Defend Rich, Deflect Criticism.
The following transcript of a section of Wait Wait' for Oct. 9, 2021: Ilana Glazer plays Not My Job makes us think that Dr. Thomas Simmons of the USD Law School is going to have to work overtime to repair the reputation of South Dakota:
SAGAL: All right - moving on. Here is your next quote.
KURTIS: Who needs the Cayman Islands and Switzerland when you've got South Dakota?
SAGAL: That was CNBC analyst Dominic Chu reacting to a report this week that rich people all over the world are turning to South Dakota as a place to hide their what?
COLE: Their money.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Move over, Cayman Islands. Stand down, Switzerland. The hip, new, cool place to stash your ill-gotten gains is the sovereign state of South Dakota. It's really surprising. We thought South Dakota amassed all that wealth just selling I Went To Wall Drug bumper stickers.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: But according to a new cache of leaked documents called the Pandora Papers, South Dakota passed laws over the last decade making it a lot easier for wealthy people to shelter their money from taxes there. But it only took off when they passed another law saying you don't actually have to go there to do it.
BURKE: (Laughter).
HONG: I - where do they hide the money? You can't even dig a hole in South Dakota without it being visible for, like, 3,000 miles.
SAGAL: Yeah.
HONG: Like, it's so flat.
SAGAL: The sightlines are pretty long out there.
HONG: Yeah.
SAGAL: It's true. Well, what it is are these very complicated trusts that allow people secrecy and privacy. I mean, we usually think of, like, Swiss bank accounts for this. And they, of course, have become the ultimate status symbol. But imagine a supervillain demanding the government wire $10 million to his numbered account at the Pioneer Bank & Trust in Rapid City.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: I guess that does explain all the tricked-out John Deere tractors you see in South Dakota with, like...
SAGAL: That's true.
BURKE: ...Gold-plated rims and $9,000 sound systems.
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: The farmers wearing Yeezy.
BURKE: Yeah. Which one is Rushmore in? Is Rushmore in South Dakota?
SAGAL: Rushmore is, in fact, in South Dakota.
HONG: Yes.
ROBERTS: Yep. Yep.
BURKE: So is Lincoln's head just full of cash? Is Lincoln's head...
SAGAL: No, but he now has a pair of diamond earrings, so obviously something's going on.
(LAUGHTER)
HONG: What is South Dakota known for other than Mount Rushmore? What do they do there? Corn or...
SAGAL: Basically, at this point, Mount Rushmore, the Crazy Horse monument and COVID. And now trusts, right?
BURKE: They're the world's leader in underground lairs.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Now they are. . . .
In the Dakota Free Press post, Heidelberger concludes:
Drug dealers, dictators, and other dastardly-deed-doers are using the laws Dr. Simmons helps write for South Dakota to hide their money from taxes, creditors, and courts, but if you criticize South Dakota’s trust companies and the whole concept of letting the rich forever hoard their wealth, you are the real dehumanizing devil who would deny South Dakotans not just wealth but identity and statehood.
Who knows what the trust industry's brain trust will pen for those irreverent quiz show folks in Chicago. Paradoxical epigrams worthy of Catullus?
Listen to the entire episode of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me here:
Image: After originating as a small pharmacy, Wall Drug has grown into one of South Dakota’s quirkiest tourist attractions Source: Wall Drug/ Culture Trip.
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